Whatever....

Some of you may have been readers of my past blog. I took a break from blogging to really think and pray about it and determine if I want to continue writing online for the world to see. Honestly, the answer is "not really." But my heart has been unable to let it go and my thoughts drift back toward it every day. I have NO IDEA what the point of God's leading me to blog is. So I can't even give this a great and marvelous intro of how it is gonna change your life if you read it. I have tried to get out of it actually and just read others blogs and be content. I can assure you that whatever the reason I feel I need to blog it is not because I am trying to be famous, trying to make money or thinking I am so brilliant and so together that I can really change some lives. No, really, I just feel kind of small and like this may be a big fail. Epic actually. But if you know me and how I live it is usually all or nothing, so here goes.

 I do have a few desires for this blog but if they come true we will only have to see. I have found a couple of bloggers during some really low points of my life over the past few years. The ability to peek into their lives and see their mess and yet their beauty has really been an encouragement to me. Many days, I just needed to know I wasn't dumb, defeated, dangerous to society, or deranged! Seeing other women struggle with these same feelings of inadequacy and yet having such beautiful lives, families or hearts has really helped me keep on plowing through the hard days.

 I don't know if one single thing I write here will do that for you. I am really just starting this as an act of obedience to God and just to get this nagging feeling out of my heart and mind. It is like a little sliver of glass stuck in my foot. Just won't go away and just won't stop reminding me it is there.

 This may be the worst blog introduction in history and so if you do come back to read another page it will be truly inspiring to me. My heart hopes that in being real with you, reader, I will gain some new friends. Maybe my words will inspire someone on a day that they want to throw in the towel and bury their head in the sand. I pray that in what is written here you will see Christ and how he is the One who keeps me going and gives me purpose. Some days you might find a piece of advice or an encouraging word as you struggle through the season you are in. Whatever becomes of this space, even if it is just an outlet for my thoughts and nothing more, I do pray it will be a quiet place of peace and rest and comfort to those of you who take the time to type in its address.

 So without being flippant or uncaring and with a desire to be obedient I just throw up my hands and say "whatevah." Whatever this becomes may it be a genuine and real place, never an imitation, and always for a purpose. Sometimes you just have to give it up and yell..... 


 WHATEVER!!